Worked with the Harsha crew last week. Missed those guys. Felt good to work & laugh with them again. Funny, how I always forget how to do stuff, then it comes back to me & then my little gig is over with. =/

Dreary day today. But, seems to chill everyone out when the weather is like this. I rented a movie for Josiah & I to snuggle up & watch later. Any excuse to snuggle with my little sweetiepie. =)

Took him to the Bass Pro shop over the weekend. He soooooo loved it. Couldn't hardly get him off of the boats or the 4 wheelers. I was kind of laughing because he had this sweet little grin on his face the whole time. When I looked around, the grown men had the same looks on their faces looking at all of the man toys. =p

Gonna take him fishing for the first time next weekend. He has a spiderman fishin pole. I can't wait. I wanna take him camping this summer. He will love it. My little outdoor boy.

Hope everyone is doing okay today!

I'm ALIVE! =D WOOT.

Hmm. My life if still pretty boring. Siah makes it fun though. My day is catered to him.

Healed up from surgery finally.
Siah is FOUR!
Got our tax refund. Whew.
Still lookin for a jobby job. Not as hardcore as I was.
Lots of peeps on FB that I haven't seen in foreverrrrrr.
I'm de-larding again. Gained back like 10 lbs. after my surgery. =/
Josiah thinks he's a superhero.
I've got spring fever already.
I wanna go to TN this summer. I have to. I didn't get to last summer. =(
Change is a comin for me. Dunno when....but it's comin.

That's about all I can think of right now. Hmph.

Don't know why I never type in here anymore. I still read my friends page to catch up. Ya'll have been on there for a loooooong time! =)

Last month was crazy. My Grandma Montgomery passed away. She was 91 years young. Quite a punch to the gut. She was scared...yet moments before she passed a peace came over her. She knew it was time to go. She has fought her whole damn life to live & survive...done a pretty good job of it I might add.

Had a hysterectomy. Bitter sweet as you can imagine. Been in pain pretty much everyday for the past 4 years. It was time. Did I want another child, of course. But, I'm blessed with what I have.

Been quite housebound. Trying to heal. Trying to behave, but it's HARD! No lifting more than a gallon of milk for 6 weeks. Three down, three to go. Hard when you have an almost 4 year old.

Speaking of which, he's awesome. Quite a little gentleman. Yet, a bossy one & he thinks he can tell me what to do & when to do it. =) He never ceases to amaze me & he can make me smile when I think I have nothing to smile about. He's also quite funny. =D

Basically, I'm just chuggin along! Hope all is well. =)

Okay maybe not....yet anyway.

Josiah & I have been sickly. Feelin pretty good today & decided I would take him to McD's for his lunch & then to the library. NEVER been to the library with him. We have a bazillion books & we read everyday....but I have never taken him to the library. It's time.

Look how sweet & innocent he is! We're at McD's here:


Here's at the library. He played with the toys & shared. Was a good boy


Sat & rocked for a bit:


Then it hit him. HE PULLED HIS PANTS DOWN & RAN THROUGH THE FREAKIN LIBRARY. Crowded library. People everywhere & my child is streaking & giggling like it's the best idea he has had in his life. Nice. I guess he wanted people to remember him.

Pictures??? Nope. None of the streaking. You've never seen a a chunky butt move so fast in her life to get checked out & we got out of there as fast as my stumpy legs could move us.

Why can't he be THIS sweet all the time? =p

Whoa. Haven't typed here in forever & ever.

My baby doesn't want me to call him "baby" anymore. Hard habit to break.
He's peeing standing up & is quite proud of himself.
Kid is growin up on me faster than I'm willing to accept.

Planning on going to TN in August. Can't freakin wait.

Still unsure about having another baby. Found out I have endometriosis & ovarian cysts. Plus a ton of scar tissue from my previous surgeries. Lame-o. In pain most of the time.

Got contacts. Feels weird, but I'm getting used to em.

Got to meet my sisters boyfriend. We all adored him. He wants to go on a cruise in November. Now. How am I going to come up with the money to go to TN in August & then a cruise in November. Yikes. Hopefully things will come together.

Was freelancing for Harsha. Just work for him sporadically. I'm at the point where I MIGHT be comfortable leaving Josiah in a Mother's Day Out program of some sort. He needs to be in a pre-school next year.

It's hard to condense your life into a few random tidbits. But, my life is pretty mundane still. So, maybe not so hard after all.

Hmm. That's all my brain can come up with right now. I'm exhausted.

Dayum. I never post in this thing anymore. Still read the ole Friends page. But, that's about it. My life is pretty mundane. Josiah is still hilarious. I told him he was the "Man of the house." He's taking it a little too seriously. He has no problem telling me what to do & when. Goofball.

Wanting to go to TN in July Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally badly. The river is calling me. I can hear it.

Debbie & her new man are coming to visit in June. I'm excited.

I turn thirty freakin one next month. What in the hell. Seriously. Still feel like I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing in life.

I want to take an Illustrator class. Don't know the program well enough. Want to keep myself employable.

Things are kind of eh. I'm thinking of having my happy pill dosage raised. I despised the things & it scared me to think that I might "need" them. I always thought it was an easy way out. Well...now I'm like, RAISE THE DOSAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For realz yo. I'm just in a funk. I fake it well & it takes every ounce of energy to make it through the day. Hell, maybe I do need to see a shrink. Just think....that's what I started off going to college to be. Hmph. Good thing I changed my mind.

Been working out like a maniac. Obsessively actually.

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough & gosh darnit people like me. Plus, I'm a real hoot.

Play on play out motha truckahs.

Things are a tad stressful family wise. My 90 year old Grandmother fell & broke her rib & busted a vertebrae in her back. She started developing severe dementia as well. Getting confused & not cooperating AT ALL with anyone. =/ Heartbreaking really. She is such a damn go getter & now they are talking about putting her in a nursing home. Not good. She despises those places with all of her being. Two of her sisters & 2 of her brothers were in one & she vowed never to enter one.

My Mom has pretty much been living with her for a month. She just can't do it anymore. She has heart problems & her blood pressure has been through the roof. My Aunt decided she didn't want any of the burden & she has been taking care of her Great-Grandson non-stop. My Mom is the only one that I have to watch Josiah. I have had no break for months now. I had to take him with me to the doctor to get my allergy shot. I'm so allergic to everything they were afraid that I would have a reaction they wanted to watch me. Wouldn't that have been a mess if I DID have a reaction?????? =/ Which, when I got home my throat was starting to swell, but went down.

Anyway. It's kind of stressful & strange around here. Whenever everyone is under a lot of stress, I feel it. Sounds retarded, but I just can't stand for people to be under pressure. I try to take as much on as myself, but there's nothing I can do in this situation. Just pray I guess. I really feel for my Mom. Never though I'd say those words.

Ho hum.

My house has been cleaned from top to bottom & from side to side. I am whooped. Ya know that tired where if someone looks at you wrong you could bawl. Even though you never are a "cryer?" Yea, I've been that tired. I not only cleaned my house. I cleaned my Mother's house. She has been staying with my 90 year old Grandmother who has a broken rib & a busted back. So, that's the least I could do.

My brother & his family are coming in tomorrow night. I'm so excited. I have missed them. This will be the first time the girls will have been to Oklahoma. I think they are pretty excited.

Hmph. What else can I drone on & on about?? I get to shoot a wedding. I'm nervous about it. I'm not fully comfortable with my new camera. I also do not claim to be a professional photograher, so it's a little added pressure. OH WELL. Photoshop is my best friend if all else fails. =P

I wanna Zumba.



The girl in the blue bra is amazing.

Thought it's about time I posted meaningless crap on here. Been a while.

Found out DMB is going to be in OKC during their summer tour. Sweeeeeeeet. August 13th. Just happens to be my brother's bday. Which...really doesn't have anything to do with it. Seeing that he lives in MD & isn't a big DMB fan.

Went to the allergy clinic (finally) & got my tests ran. I've been highly allergic to...well...life & everything surrounding it since I came out of the womb. I've just dealt with it & gotten sick a lot. I have developed oral allergies, (huh huh I said oral huh huh) & it freaked the doctor out quite a bit. He too has them & knows how dangerous they are. It felt nice to have someone who KNOWS about it & doesn't look at me like I'm crazy. I'm allergic to most raw veggies & raw fruits, grains & nuts. SO. Pretty much everything. He wouldn't test me for the food allergies b/c of the risk. They poked my arm about 50 times with everything from grass to pollen to Lord knows what else. My arm was so swollen & red I thought it was on fire. Everyone spazzed out. He brought students in to look at me like I was a circus freak. "this is a prime example of somneone who is severely allergic." then he goes on about my oral allergies. Then he says, "On a scale of 1-10, she is a 12." I said, "Well, at least I'm off the charts with SOMETHING!" =/ They laughed & thought I was a big hoot.

Anyway. After being violated for 4 1/2 hours....I will go see a dietician. Then I began my allergy shots. Which, can only be done by them because my allergies are so severe. =/ THEN, I get to go to a dermatologist for my excema.

Whooooooooooooooooptyfriggindooooooooooooooooooo. I'm actually glad to get this crap taken care of. Lived with it my whole life. I'm tired of it.

Okay. Enough droning. Benadryl has kicked in & I'm ZzzzZzzzzZzzzzz

According to Josiah, the guy on the dollar bill is, "Dish Washington."

Take note.

The Siahnater is still sick. =( I've never seen projectile vomit like I saw today. WOW. My poor baby. He has just been lying around. Mark (at work) called & asked if I would be able to help out today. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. No. Sorry. I'm telling you. I've been on a guilt trip for the past week. He didn't mind. He just said, okay. But. I still feel bad. =/ My baby comes first though. There's no way I could bring a puking/pooping/fever ridden child to my Mom's & expose her & leave him when he needs his Mommy.

Whew. My Grandma even threatened me to move to Marlow. "Now that you're working you just won't have time for me anymore." ??????????????? Wha?? She was acting neglected when I had surgery & couldn't jump when she wanted me to. "I sit all alone in my little apartment. No one darkens my doorstep." =/

Anyway. Man it's cold outside. My brother lives in MD & told me he fell on the ice. That brightened my day a little. hahahahahaha He even dumped his Big Gulp.

Never fails. It's near Josiah's bday & he's sickly. =( I've been working every day this week. My Mom said that he was complaining of his stomach hurting & was acting kind of grumpy. Last night his fever spiked to 102. Gave him some tylenol before his bedtime & then woke him up at 3am to give him some more tylenol.

Poor baby. Nothing worse than a sick baby.

Work is going well. I'm not used to using my brain. I come home a little zombified. Be glad when they set me up on a set schedule. Things are really chaotic & unorganized with the new accounts. Stresses me a little, but not too bad.

Little one is napping & I've been catching up on some laundry & cleaning. Going to have a little bday party for him on Sunday. My baby will be 3 years old. Time. It's tick tick tickin.

Today I was really restless, so I decided we needed to go somewhere when Gary got off of work at noonish. He ended up getting off later, so we just went to Dirty Bird. I wanted to get some bread to feed the ducks. Sooooooo, we stopped at this placed called, "Denver Corner." It's this "convenience store" located just down the road from the lake. They sell anything from live bait, to beer to any kind of lure or tackle that you need. Ya know what I'm talking about. I think every lake has one of those.

ANYWAY.

While I'm in there, this guy was standing looking at lures. I said, excuse me as I walked behind him. Not that he was in my way, I just wanted the 6 ft. something man to know that a midget was walking behind him & not to step on me. =p He turns around & rubs on my back & says, "Ohhhhhhhh sorry sweetie!!" Creepy.

So, I'm standing at the register waiting for them to buy their Skoal & whatever it is that they are buying. I'm standing there holding hot dog buns to feed to the ducks. (It was cheaper than a loaf of bread) He turns around & keeps smiling all goofy at me. Then he goes, "Is it hot dog time???!!" & winks at me. Ewwwwwwwwwww even more creepy!

So all day Gary & I kept saying, "Hey baby...is it hot dog time??!"

We are so easily amused. I think that was one of those "Just had to be there" moments.

Anyway. It was a pretty fun day. Fed some ducks. threw some rocks. The end. =p

OH. Gary picked up a rock & gave it to Josiah. He said it was his "pet rock." We heard Josiah talking. He was talking to his pet rock & then gave it a kiss. ???????????? Yes. That's my kid. The one talking & kissing the rock.

SO. We are in Walmart. Josiah sees a dude with a beard & long hair. He squeals really loudly, "JESUS!!!!!!!!!" hahahahhahaha Then he proceeds to sing (again...loudly) "JESUS LOVES ME THIS I KNOW....."

Too. Freakin. Cute.

I'm ALIVE! I used to post on this thing errrrday. I still read my friends list though. I need to keep up with you suckas.

Christmas was fab. Kinda quiet. No brother. No sister. Cousins working & here & there. But, it was nice & cozy. What family we did have over had a good time. Just chilled out by the fireplace & talked. Josiah got the HOOK UP. He wouldn't eat or take a nap. He was just too freakin excited over what toys he got. Was too busy for anything else.

He cracked me up earlier this evening. He goes up to Gary & goes, "DaDa I need attention!" hahahahaha Just like his Mommy. I have "attention headaches" from time to time. Toys were okay when I was a kid, but I liked people much better. =p

Things are just same ole same ole. Been going to church regularly. Amazingly. Josiah is so diggin the kids church.

My sister is getting a divorce. After 25 years. Kind of weird, but she's happier that I've ever seen her. Although now that she's in her own apartment boredom is setting in. She'll be working soon. Man they beat the odds though. She was pregnant at 17. Got married. He worked his way up to become the VP of Operations at a very large corporation. She worked for years in the medical field. Beautiful home. 3 gorgeous sons. Whom are grown men now. The twins are 21. Damn that makes me feel old.

Brother is still in Maryland. Miss him horribly. But, he's happy & he'll be back home one of these years.

My life is full of Josiah. Nothing but. Haven't been freelancing any. Just healing up from my surgery & enjoying every minute being with him. Plus taking care of Gma. She's still as onery as ever. I MIGHT start freelancing again in January. I think. If they need me.

Ho hum. Not much to write about really. Just chuggin along.

Been feeling super housebound. Surgery went well on Friday. My Mom has been keeping Josiah & it's about to kill me. She's been bringing him over the past few days, so that's been helping me. I napped with him today. That was nice. =)

Been listening to a lot of music & been writing a lot. Kind of a good thing. I've missed that time. I used to spend a lot of time in that environment. Music. Writing. Creativity was my outlet. Used to draw. Don't ever do that anymore. Photography. Used to take road trips specifically for photo opps. Anyway. That's one thing I've been digging. Just miss my boy! =(

The soreness is starting to ease. They had to pump me full of air & there was air trapped behind my chest cavity. Hurt like a MOTHA. Couldn't move or take a deep breath. Felt like my lung had collapsed. I would lie with a heating pad on my chest & that helped some. Just yawning or sneezing made me want to pass out. =/ I'm just glad they were able to get the tumor. Unattach my intestines from my uterus & clean up all the scar tissue. Said I didn't have endometriosis. Very good thing. Soooooooooooo. Just waiting to heal up. FINALLY starting to feel half way human again.

I was so hoping it wasn't going to be windy. I wanted my Mom to take Josiah & I to the park. Can't lift him or drive yet. I wanted to sit in the sunshine for a while. BUT. It was windy as all hell & chilly. Sucks.

Ahh well. It's all good. Keep on truckin baby. Keep on truckin.

My happy place changes like the seasons. I can hear you. But, not clearly. There
is no place for words in my happy place. I hear you as my head is submerged in
rushing water. Your words run off of me & leave no residue. The droplets of your
hate run off of me. I stand & run deeper into the water & the words that
surround me rush past me in a whirl. I may submerge in them, but they can't
drown me.

I run & I don't get tired. I swim without coming for air. The sun pierces me
with it's blades of brightness. The melodic undertones sweep through the
entities of my gratitude & peaceful serenities...

There are no unapproving eyes. Deviant smiles or judgmental lies. The hurt that
sticks like shrapnel is brushed away like sand. Love making is quiet. It's not
dirty. It's not stricken with what dirty hands had once used & abused & the
residue of what once could not be cleaned...for once is pure & sweet. Like it
should be. But isn't. Outside of my happy place.

Your passive aggressive tendencies make me laugh. I can feel alive & dare I say
beautiful. The place in which I reside has never felt beauty or seen beauty in
the unwanted & unwilling reflection that bounces so freely & slaps me in the
face each time. Making my eyes turn away. Every time.

Damaged good are thrown away. As they should be. The leaves fall, but they don't
die or lose their color. The sun sets if I want it to. The colors tell me
stories. The waters whisper to me dim secrets that make me throw my head back &
laugh. Or sigh a breath of contentment. You can't touch me here in my happy
place. If I don't want you to. In my happy place I can hear the tick tock of the
clock, but it's the rhythm to the melodies that push me along.

You can't touch me here. In my happy place.
Unless I want you to.

Hello. I'm a dumbass.

My Mom had to take my car today. The timing belt went out on her car & blew her engine. SOoooo...she took my car to go car shopping. She had called me & told me she was on her way back. No problem. It was already dark & I had my blinds closed, so I couldn't see her headlights if she pulled up.

About 25 minutes (plenty of time for her to make it to my house) there is a knock on the door. Sounds exactly like my Mom's funky little knock she does. I go open the door & instead of my 5'1 Mama, it's a 6'0 black man with a mouth full of gold teeth. I NEVER EVER EVER answer my door when I'm home alone. Especially since my car got broken into in the middle of the day. Not that I live in a bad neighborhood, but things just happen. Ya know??

Soooooooo, you can say I was a tad shocked that it wasn't my Mom. I'm here alone with my baby & I'm in so much pain I can't see straight. He starts rambling about selling magazines & all that crap.

Ready for me being a dumbass??

I said, "I'm sorry, but my husband is out of town & I'm just not interested."

YOU DON'T TELL A STRANGE MAN THAT YOU'RE HOME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Geeeeeeeez. As soon as that came out of my mouth I was like, nice. You are a dumbass. The whole time he's looking at me he's looking over my head like he's scoping out the house. THEN, he was like, "OH you're husband is gone???"

Soooooooooo. I was all paranoid. I'm kind of over it now. Anyway. My Mom finally gets here. I tell her what happened. Take her home (she got a Dodge Caliber. Good lookin car!). I go in for a little while. I'm using the bathroom when someone comes up & slams on the bathroom window. Scared the total crap out of me. I yell at my Mom & ask what that was. She was running to me because she thought since I was in so much pain that I had fainted in the bathroom. I tell her what happens & she said she has heard noises around her house every night, someone knocked on her door last night really late AND everytime she gets in her gown to go to bed someone calls her & won't say anything.

CREEPY. Sooooooooooo. I shall be sleeping with all the lights on tonight! =D

Whew. Forgive my rambling.

The trip to Maryland went well. Rained pretty much everyday that we were there. But, we had a nice time visiting. I miss my brother horribly. It was hard to leave him. Even though all he did was fart on my head.

Halloween was a hit for Josiah. He had a blast. He was a deputy sheriff.
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